When I was growing up I was very clear on one thing, I was never going to allow myself to be a victim of domestic abuse or any type of abuse. Now that I’m older and wiser I have realised that there is no one who allows themselves to be abused, no one intentionally puts themselves in abusive situations and I have also learnt no matter how educated, rich, well looking, clever and smart one can be anyone can easily be a victim of abuse.
I often hear people say things like ‘what were they thinking putting themselves in that situation ??’ and in my experience it is such judgemental comments that make it hard for victims to speak up.
The cycle of abuse is a social cycle theory developed in 1979 by Lenore E. Walker an American Psychologist to explain patterns of behavior in an abusive relationship. The phrase is also used more generally to describe any set of conditions which perpetuate abusive and dysfunctional relationships, such as in poor child rearing practices which tend to get passed down from generation to generation. Walker used the term more narrowly, to describe the cycling patterns of calm, violence, and reconciliation within an abusive relationship.
He sets out four prominent phases within an abusive cycle and firmly believes that this cycle will continuously repeat itself unless the victim or perpetrator seeks some form of support and gains strategies to break the cycle. There is a lot of stigma sorrounding people who speak up about domestic abuse, but more so there is a lot of misinformation about the available support for victims fleeing especially those with children to protect and safeguard. I hope to be able to engage with you through these posts to offer advice and if possible to point you in the right direction with regards to where you can get help. Also I hope to be able to shed some light on issues you might already be aware of but need some reassurance and affirmation on.
Join me as we take this learning journey together. The next blog will focus on the first phase of the abusive cycle…
By Princess Khumalo
